I did it. I finally did. It took years and years. It took many friends, many losses, much pain, but I did it. I wondered if this day would ever come, I fought and cried and felt like I was bleeding, but I did it. I’m happy. I’m alone and I’m happy and I’m no longer living in the past. I’m living in the present, living for the day to day.
Living in the past is something we all do from time to time. We look around our lives and see the small bits of unhappiness and we decide to look back and remember the past instead. That’s something that is concrete, no matter how much it hurts. It’s something that is unchangeable and familiar. Living in the past seems much safer than looking in the present and toward the future
The truth is, our past isn’t very glamorous. It’s filled with heartaches and missed deadlines. It’s filled with failure and lost friendships. It also is covered with the Amaro filter that Instagram has. It makes everything a little hazy, but also brighter and more attractive. It feels like it should be relived.
The problem with living in the past is that it causes you repeated heartache. You long for people no longer in your life. You stop looking toward the future and the goals that you once had. You sit in a rut and wish things were the way they used to be. It’s completely unhealthy and it’s completely addictive. We can bemoan how unfairly we were treated, we can think of how amazing that other person was, but the reality is, we are no longer that person.
However, when we look to the past, it may often help us move forward. We can see the mistakes that we have made, the changes large and small we have made and the difference in our life now. It helps us look to the future with clearer eyes. Sometimes, we can remind ourselves of the very real fears that we had about what the future we are currently living in would be.
Living in the present is terrifying. We are a brand new person every day, full of experience and life. There is little certainty of what will happen minute to minute. That makes it even more exciting and important. The past? Well, we know exactly how it ends and it’s fun to imagine the might have beens. It feels like healing to wax poetic about how badly someone hurt us or how much we loved someone.
The lessons of our past truly have set up this wonderful future we find ourselves in today. I have often thought that my life was going to be forever changed by an event or decision before me. The terror was real that I would make the wrong decision and I wouldn’t be able to recover from it. Now, I sit back and look at those decisions. Sure, they were difficult, important, some even life changing, however, they are the reason I am here where I am today.
We can look back at the past and realize that even on our darkest days, there were plenty of reasons to feel bright and passionate. We might be wistful about certain aspects of the past, but we can appreciate how our present and our future is informed. Living in the past is always going to lead to heartache. However, reflecting on the past to move into a new future, can lead to a great insight into what the future can bring us.
As I look to the future now, I can do so with a fresh heart. I know that nothing that comes my way can destroy me. The only enemy that can truly heart me, is myself. The past has taught me that nothing else can stand in my way.
My hope is that someday, you can live in the present, too. The feeling is much lighter and hope filled than I could have imagined. Maybe I will find love, maybe I won’t. Maybe I will reach all my dreams and maybe I will fail miserably into a new reality of dreams I have. Happiness must come from yourself and life is an every changing journey. Just remember that the past isn’t where we are any longer and the present is full of potential.
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