Almost three years since my separation and divorce...here's what I know...

Life is funny.  To quote The Doctor: “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” When I knew that I could no longer continue in my marriage, I was terrified.  We had three small children together, one of which was not even a month old.  I knew that it was going to be very rough for quite awhile, but I also knew that it was something that must be done.

I didn't respond correctly to the situations at hand.  I cried a lot, hid away from the world, and was generally unpleasant to be around.  I found salvation with friends who understood what I was going through and helped me find healthier ways of consoling myself.  You see, even when you are the person that wants the divorce, it is still extremely difficult emotionally.  I had my pile of bad things and I wanted to ignore my pile of good things, but thankfully that mentality didn't last forever.

Here's what I've learned, the good things often don't make themselves as known as the bad things.  I have searched off and on for a partner to share this life with.  So far, nothing has worked out for me and frankly, I'm okay with that.  It seems that living alone has had some good effects on me.  I seem to eat out less and also seem to be more motivated to clean and get out and do things with the kids.  The good thing here doesn't seem apparent does it?  I'm not stuck in a relationship that is not fruitful to my life and well being.  I am making it on my own.

I know for some, finding a partner can be very easy after they get out of a relationship or marriage.  Here's what I learned, hopping from one person to the next is just going to frustrate you and likely make you feel dejected.  Time is our friend.  Alone time with your thoughts is your friend.  Figuring out what you really want out of life is extremely rewarding.  It may seem like this person or that person is filling a void, but that may only be for awhile.  Look for someone who helps you heal your void.

I've learned mostly, that while at the time I thought my divorce was the end of the world, it has turned out to be a blessing.  I enjoy life so much more now.  And my kids now have a bonus mom, who loves and cares for them.  Maybe some day they will have a bonus dad, too.  Mostly, I'm just happy that I have the whole bed to myself (until 3am when Kellan climbs in).